The Metro Diary

Well, it was time to say goodbye sooner or later. This blog of mine was just the most wonderful and interesting part of my history. It caused a lot of controversy, sure, but it also caused some people to care and worry for me. I'm still not fully okay now, and I might never be, but the thought that people once tried to help you, love you, and care for you is what comforts me on cold nights. The "main characters" of this blog have already left my life, sadly. Jean and, sadly, Elaine. I'm saddened by Elaine the most because she was the most important gem in my life. She worried and cared so much about me at a time when no one else did. I miss her, and I still love her. Of course, I don't love her romantically, but I still love her and accept her as my sister dearest. For me, my love for her means more than my love for all my past crushes, loves, romantic interests combined. I really can't express how much I miss her, I just do. I wish I have someone like...

If there's one, underlying, thing I've learned over the past couple of months or so, it's the fact that I do not go well with any groups, even with people. I don't really know why, but as far as I can remember I've always been the outcast, the one always left alone ever since elementary or so. I'm in college now and, although I've been making strides in becoming more friendly with people, I still really find myself as someone distant from the others. Just like what happened earlier, it was our physical education class and we were in this bowling arena. The day started out so great, to be honest, but never had I expected that it would end this horribly. So going back, my class and I were in this bowling arena and for the first few moments I was pretty cool with them all, cracking jokes and laughing with the group. That was until the class started and we were supposed to be in groups. I'm not sure what the maximum number of players were in a group, but I...

Sometimes, people reach their limit and....they just snap....they change... From now on, I will start to slowly kill (my personality) little by little. No, I won't literally kill myself, I'll just change my personality and my attitude towards everyone. Oh, and did I ever tell you that I have a toxin inside me? Yes. I just did, didn't I? I'm sick, literally. I don't want to give everything I have, I don't want people to just ignore me. I want to change, I want to run independently and efficiently. People.....just....unappreciate me... One day they do this. And then the next day, poof! I'm gone, history, yesterday's trash, dust of the past, whatever you want to call it. It's been a bumpy and (not to mention stressful) hard life for me. Doing my best for the people who will (inevitably in this case) eventually leave me. IT'S JUST FUCKING LIKE THAT I'm done. I'm not putting names here, because you know, some people. I...