Is There Still Hope?
I gotta admit it, this week was the worst week of my entire life. I got all this stuff going through me and I can't handle it anymore.
I honestly think that my heart cannot handle all this sadness, misery, and pain anymore. I'm starting to think that I wasted all my efforts on nothing. I'll just face it and say it here:
All my efforts for Janine were fruitless, futile, stupid, and all in vain.
I've realized now that I never had a chance with her in the first place. The made an eternal promise to each other, and until now she's keeping her end of the promise. For those who don't know, I just found out that SHE MADE AN ETERNAL PROMISE WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND TO LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER and all that stuff.
My body, heart, and soul is getting tired from all of this. I just want to have it simple, no complications whatsoever. Sure, there may be a lot of you guys out there who think, "Oh, come on, dude! It's just a promise, she'll break her promise once she becomes your girlfriend! Keep trying!"
Well, if what you're saying is true...how can we be ever so sure? I mean, how can we be sure that she'll love me, and only me, if we get in a relationship? How can we be sure that she won't love that guy behind my back when we're together? Heck, how can we be sure of anything.
We can be sure, however, how can we be sure if that confirmation is genuine or not?
I asked her many times about the guy she loves and she gave back an inconsistent answer. Still, she was sure about one thing: She loves Marc, not me.
You know, if I could've at least had a "foothold" here, I wouldn't be flipping out like this. I don't really blame her, I just blame myself for my idiotic actions, I leave the rest for everyone to judge. Maybe if she just told me straight to the face with one answer, maybe I could decide on what should I do or not.
Last week, she told me I had a chance and that Marc, the guy whom she loves so much, had no chance on her at all and she didn't love him. When I asked her today (and yesterday) about the guy she loves, she almost always replied, "Marc."
I know, I know, this is getting confusing as hell. Heck, even I'm having a hard time putting together this huge fragmented storyline. I don't know what happened with the promise, I don't know if I really have a chance on her, I don't know if I could be her boyfriend or not, I don't know anything, and I can't be sure of anything.
But hey, here's one thing I'm sure of: I'm getting weary and tired of all this pain and suffering.
Sure, love is about enduring that. B-But how could you deal with someone that you love making an "eternal promise to love that person" and just be fine with it?
You know what I think?
I think that this whole "mythical overlay" is so enormous, and not good. The truth is so simple.
I'm pretty sure this whole thing can be explained in 64 words or less.
So, yeah, they made an eternal promise to love each other, big whoop. What I don't get the most is that why is she telling me that I have a chance on her even though everyone reading this can clearly see with their own to eyes - no offense with the people who are reading this blog with only one eye - that I have no chance at all? Why tell me that I have a chance?
I'm starting to think that she's doing this on purpose..
I'm really starting to think that she's playing with my feelings. You know, telling me that I have a chance and then telling me that she loves someone else. Someone please tell me that she's not just playing with my feelings.
But yeah, it seems that I've made some "enemies" along the way. I've made a few enemies, lost some friendships, broken the trust of some people, and most of all, I've let down some of my friends that I cared for so much.
Love is really like a warzone, and I'm telling you this because I've experienced it firsthand. Next time I fall in love, I'll make sure it's with someone who's certain about her feelings, has no strings attached, not in a complicated relationship-thing with someone else, doesn't love someone else, and most of all, understanding.
Don't get me wrong, Janine has some of those traits, but she still fails to understand me most of the time. Sure, I tell her that I'm sorry a million times and yet she still doesn't forgive me. But when she apologizes to me, it only takes one and I immediately forgive her. Why? Because I try to understand her and I try to forgive her because she's the girl I love.
...but I'm not sure of that feeling anymore..
She says that she "eternally promises to love that guy" so I'm starting to give up. For those of you complaining about why I'm giving up, THINK TWICE AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME.
I was the one who was always been misunderstood by many.
Look, giving up and moving on can be for the better, you know. It's a 50-50 chance. IF I haven't moved on over Jean, I wouldn't have a crush on Janine and eventually love her. I met someone better, and it was great. I've moved on from Jean and I found someone better.
I guess I'm getting tired from all the "I love Marc, but you still have a chance" and all the "I eternally promise" stuff. Seriously, at least be considerate of me. I'm a human being as well and never have I did something to deserve this whole myriad of problems and daily dilemmas.
*Sighs deeply*
Ah well, there's still August 31, the day where everything changes. Let's see if something happens on that day or not. If she tells me a few days before August 31 that she wants me to become her boyfriend or something, I'll accept it and keep going.
If not, I'll just face the music and finally accept that I never had a chance on her in the first place. I think the recovery process will take around 6-10 months, that's for sure. I'll just have to accept the cold and harsh fact that she was made for Marc and not me.
Just like what Tiffany said in her Xanga blog,
I honestly think that my heart cannot handle all this sadness, misery, and pain anymore. I'm starting to think that I wasted all my efforts on nothing. I'll just face it and say it here:
All my efforts for Janine were fruitless, futile, stupid, and all in vain.
I've realized now that I never had a chance with her in the first place. The made an eternal promise to each other, and until now she's keeping her end of the promise. For those who don't know, I just found out that SHE MADE AN ETERNAL PROMISE WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND TO LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER and all that stuff.
My body, heart, and soul is getting tired from all of this. I just want to have it simple, no complications whatsoever. Sure, there may be a lot of you guys out there who think, "Oh, come on, dude! It's just a promise, she'll break her promise once she becomes your girlfriend! Keep trying!"
Well, if what you're saying is true...how can we be ever so sure? I mean, how can we be sure that she'll love me, and only me, if we get in a relationship? How can we be sure that she won't love that guy behind my back when we're together? Heck, how can we be sure of anything.
We can be sure, however, how can we be sure if that confirmation is genuine or not?
I asked her many times about the guy she loves and she gave back an inconsistent answer. Still, she was sure about one thing: She loves Marc, not me.
You know, if I could've at least had a "foothold" here, I wouldn't be flipping out like this. I don't really blame her, I just blame myself for my idiotic actions, I leave the rest for everyone to judge. Maybe if she just told me straight to the face with one answer, maybe I could decide on what should I do or not.
Last week, she told me I had a chance and that Marc, the guy whom she loves so much, had no chance on her at all and she didn't love him. When I asked her today (and yesterday) about the guy she loves, she almost always replied, "Marc."
I know, I know, this is getting confusing as hell. Heck, even I'm having a hard time putting together this huge fragmented storyline. I don't know what happened with the promise, I don't know if I really have a chance on her, I don't know if I could be her boyfriend or not, I don't know anything, and I can't be sure of anything.
But hey, here's one thing I'm sure of: I'm getting weary and tired of all this pain and suffering.
Sure, love is about enduring that. B-But how could you deal with someone that you love making an "eternal promise to love that person" and just be fine with it?
You know what I think?
I think that this whole "mythical overlay" is so enormous, and not good. The truth is so simple.
I'm pretty sure this whole thing can be explained in 64 words or less.
So, yeah, they made an eternal promise to love each other, big whoop. What I don't get the most is that why is she telling me that I have a chance on her even though everyone reading this can clearly see with their own to eyes - no offense with the people who are reading this blog with only one eye - that I have no chance at all? Why tell me that I have a chance?
I'm starting to think that she's doing this on purpose..
I'm really starting to think that she's playing with my feelings. You know, telling me that I have a chance and then telling me that she loves someone else. Someone please tell me that she's not just playing with my feelings.
But yeah, it seems that I've made some "enemies" along the way. I've made a few enemies, lost some friendships, broken the trust of some people, and most of all, I've let down some of my friends that I cared for so much.
Love is really like a warzone, and I'm telling you this because I've experienced it firsthand. Next time I fall in love, I'll make sure it's with someone who's certain about her feelings, has no strings attached, not in a complicated relationship-thing with someone else, doesn't love someone else, and most of all, understanding.
Don't get me wrong, Janine has some of those traits, but she still fails to understand me most of the time. Sure, I tell her that I'm sorry a million times and yet she still doesn't forgive me. But when she apologizes to me, it only takes one and I immediately forgive her. Why? Because I try to understand her and I try to forgive her because she's the girl I love.
...but I'm not sure of that feeling anymore..
She says that she "eternally promises to love that guy" so I'm starting to give up. For those of you complaining about why I'm giving up, THINK TWICE AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME.
I was the one who was always been misunderstood by many.
Look, giving up and moving on can be for the better, you know. It's a 50-50 chance. IF I haven't moved on over Jean, I wouldn't have a crush on Janine and eventually love her. I met someone better, and it was great. I've moved on from Jean and I found someone better.
I guess I'm getting tired from all the "I love Marc, but you still have a chance" and all the "I eternally promise" stuff. Seriously, at least be considerate of me. I'm a human being as well and never have I did something to deserve this whole myriad of problems and daily dilemmas.
*Sighs deeply*
Ah well, there's still August 31, the day where everything changes. Let's see if something happens on that day or not. If she tells me a few days before August 31 that she wants me to become her boyfriend or something, I'll accept it and keep going.
If not, I'll just face the music and finally accept that I never had a chance on her in the first place. I think the recovery process will take around 6-10 months, that's for sure. I'll just have to accept the cold and harsh fact that she was made for Marc and not me.
Just like what Tiffany said in her Xanga blog,
Don't get me wrong because I'm not asking for your sympathy... but I'm just spilling my feelings here because I have no one and nowhere else tell to...so just listen and hear me out..
- Tiffany Hwang, January 17, 2005
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