What Happened?

Well, this week has certainly been a "shitstorm" for me.

For me, these past few days were challenging as fuck. It was full of highs and lows, it was also filled with a lot of drama, I can tell you that. This week has put mind, body, and sanity through various (and rigorous) obstacles - most of which I was unable to overcome.

But the thing that really shattered my heart was this one simple fact:

Janine, the girl whom I loved so much, won't be there for me when I needed her the most.

Oh well, it was a fun run but I guess all good things have an end. On the last day of August, August 31, I will officially STOP loving her and focus on moving on. (Hopefully it won't take a year or two.)

I'm pretty sure that the guys who "competed with me in the F5200 league" will be overjoyed when they read this blog post. They'll probably scream, "Yay! Lance is gone! Thank you, God! Janine is mine now!" Or something like that. Whatever happens, I just hope that Janine falls into the right hands - hands that won't hurt her and treat her the same way I could've done.

And yes, it will be final. Unless, of course, Janine stops me or proves to me (once again) that I have a strong chance in becoming her boyfriend.

Seriously, I need some assurance here. I need some consistency. I need a "foothold" for me to not have mood swings. I'm not quite fond of several inconsistencies. I wish that you could've been more sure of your feelings towards me as I did towards you.

Welp, here I am. Sitting on the floor typing on my laptop whilst watching everything around me fall apart. My ask.fm account was trashed, I get called names at school, I'm being pressured with this college thing, I have a lot of things to do at school, I have a friend keeps teasing me that he touches Janine's boobs, and worst of all, I don't even have someone to fall back to.

I guess no one is there for me when I fall.

Yeah, you know those trust exercises. The one where the first person falls on his/her back and expects the other person to catch them. This time, I guess no one's there to catch me. No one.

Ah yes, this was always the usual setting when I'm faced with a myriad of problems: me sitting on the floor flat on my ass wondering how I got here in the first place. You see, dear reader, I'm like a frog who was placed in boiling water. If you put a frog on a body of water and slowly turn up the temperature, the frog will try to adjust to its surrounding. But if the water around the frog gets too hot, it eventually dies.

The most tragic thing about this is the fact that the frog doesn't know that the heat was being turned up and he was slowly dying while he was trying to adjust to his surroundings.

I wish that Janine could be there for me, I really do. But if she doesn't want to, that's fine with me, that's her life, I'm not forcing her to do anything. I also wish that this whole thing will come to a resolution soon. Hopefully, that is.

I'm just saying, if Janine really meant the things she said to me, she would've (at least) stood by my side and tried to understand me.

I stood by her side, I understood her, how come I don't get the same thing?

Oh well, I just wish that some "angel from the heavens" soon comes to help me get back on my feet. Whoever that may be, whether a boy or a girl, I just hope that person who will help me gets here soon.

I hope you guys are having a waaaaayyy better week than me.

Have a nice day, people! :)